5 Character of Good Husband in Islam (part 1)

WANTED!! Good & Pious Husband

Many of unmarried women feel obligated to be good, partly due to the desire to get a good and pious husband also, based on the core clause contained in the Quran Surah An-Nur, verse 26.

الخبيثات للخبيثين والخبيثون للخبيثات والطيبات للطيبين والطيبون للطيبات

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable.‎ (24:26)

This is not the primary motivation for that people but in some extent affect the woman who has a good heart. From the other hand, to be a good and pious is obligation and it’s a form of virtues itself.

But what about men? Mostly they are devoted to their pious deeds that must be implemented and more focused and directed to the achievement that must be achieved in terms of worldly, or the afterlife. Thus, this will create the man who are pious but have a dry taste, less or unable to show affection. Their slogan is "Honey, we intend to save you from Hell. 'Whereas at the same time, they themselves do not understand how love is defined by women. They also do not understand how their rescue effort should be understood and accepted willingly and out of love.

I'm not talking about the relationship of men and women outside the context of the household, because the unpermitted relationship (unmarried), there is a big risk to the will of lust and deception tricked by the devil (syaithan).

My bottom line is, what are the ideal characteristics that should be present in a husband, so he earned the title of "pious man".

This also important for all the young men who are ready to get married and searching for a woman, reviewing and studying this matter, thus balancing out how good they are with the good of the women whom they will be selected.

In addition to the faithful and devoted is certainly a major criterion for a pious men, there are some other things that must be considered, with a reflection to the morality of the Prophet Muhammad pbuh towards his wives.

First, ATTENTION

Husband who has attention to his wife is a sensitive husband, quickly aware of the wife’s need, from various angles. Whether in terms of material, mental or spiritual needs. He understands the mood, from her expression, speech, gaze, and perhaps also from house condition in the first minute he stepped back from work. Maybe he did not know what is actually true or what exactly is lacking, but the attitude and attention will make his wife feel appreciated and recognized in the life of the husband.

Maybe he cannot meet what is required but at least he has eased the emotional burden of his wife. Husband who is sensitive will rapidly smells the scent of grief or joy, and will try to ease it, simply to explore the life of a wife.

Among the indications of attention are; asking simple how are you, not insisting a direct answer from wife, taken care of themselves and likes to invite wife to talk. Although it’s only briefly, this sensitivity is a good impression in the heart of the wife.

Second, PATIENT

Women as well as men, are born with different character, depending on culture, knowledge and life backgrounds. Normal and regular human being, there are many characters, there is good inside and out, bad on the outside but good from the inside, some are good on the outside and kind of ugly on the inside, and there is also bad inside and out.

This is where the patience of a husband would be tested. Patient towards a bad attitude and beside that husband must have unlimited patience to wife. A real life example has been shown very wisely by the second caliph (prophet successor), Umar al-Khattab r.a.

Narrated that there was a man comes to 'Umar ibn Khattab with intentions to sue his wife's bad behavior. He was standing in front of Umar's house waiting for his exit. Accidentally he heard Umar's wife was talking bad to Umar while Umar said nothing. So the man returned and said: "If things like that with the Commander of the Believer, what about me." Soon Umar came out to see him back again, then Umar said to the man: "Is there anything I can do?" The man answer: "O Commander of the Believer, I come to complain about my wife's bad behavior that hurts my heart, "Umar said:" O my brother, I need my wife bad talk because that is my wife’s rights that I must fulfill. My wife already cook the food, make bread for me, wash my clothes, and nursing my son. All of which  are not my duty. My heart at ease if I stay away from any form of haraam (unpermitted), so I am silent as a guarantee. "

That was the wise attitude of Umar ibn Khattab. He was very understanding on the rights of a wife, and therefore he chose to be patient. Umar's attitude was not a form of weakness, he was grateful to get such a wife. Umar knew, his wife's anger only temporarily, perhaps because his wife's psychological exhaustion due to hard work and taking cares of her husband and children.

I've read this story as a teenager and I do not know the validity of this story. It's just. it fascinated me with patience and efforts to hear a husband and concurrently Commander of the believer and society. And I believe all women are also admire this story, I mean, you'll amazed by the level of patience.

Prophet Muhammad pbuh was also very patient towards his wives, especially in this case is Aisha r.a. Why I share the story here? Because aisha was going through her teen life with the Prophet pbuh and her attitude that is not far from the attitude of modern women.

Recorded in the sirah Aisha attitude towards her husband (prophet pbuh) that when viewed at first glance would be considered impolite.

Aisha did not take for granted everything that prophet pbuh said to her. For example, when she was jealous and envious, Prophet responds to her by saying, "Apparently syaithan (devil) have come unto you." Aisha ask back to the prophet, "Is there syaithan with me?". Prophet replied, "No one except with them there is syaithan." Aisha asked again, "With you, too?" And the Prophet said, "Yes, it's just that God helped me to beat it so I survived." [Hadith narrated by Muslim and Nasa'i].

Aisha is very jealous and sometimes very emotional. Remember when the Prophet received fish to be cook from Safia (known to be a good chef), what Aisha has done? She broke the Safia’s vessel, although later regretted her actions.

When she asked the Prophet what she should do to atone for his mistake, he answered, "The vessel should be replaced with the same vessel, the food should be replaced with the same food." [Hadith narrated by Abu Daud and An-Nasa'i].

Aisha also has the ability to make a sharp comment. He commented on Safia as 'Jewish woman in the middle of the women who became prisoners'. It should be remembered, Aisha’s words come from the nature of her youth with a very big sense of love and jealousy and the attitude do not exceed the limit.

Ah, as if I just record only the 'evil' of Aisha, but her goodness and benevolence was unparalleled. Because she gained instruction directly from the Prophet pbuh who is also her husband. My point is, behold, O man, O husband, exemplary patience was shown by your Prophet pbuh. With that patient, Aisha’s mature and critical attitude grew and eventually she becomes one of the mufti (Islamic scholar & teacher) after the death of the Prophet pbuh. She is not confined by "veto power" of the husband.

In other words, the good of a husband will be tested when he was confronted with a situation that demands patience. " Even if someone hurts their close people, surely it is not intentional. This is precisely what happened to the husband and wife.

Continued to part 2

Taken from hidayatullah.com (author: Paridah Abas), translated & edited by Aria.