5 Character of Good Husband in Islam (Part 2)

Third, HELPFUL

Helpful husband, he often helped his wife. It is every wife’s dream. It means, a husband who does not hesitate to the household work and is not afraid to be labeled as wife fearing husband. 

Didn’t the Prophet p.b.u.h also was very helpful to ease the burden on his wife?

At-Tabari narrated from Aisha r.a that the Prophet pbuh assist the work of the home, helping his wife like cutting meat, sweep the house and sometimes even help the housemaid perform their task. In another narration stated that the prophet pbuh was sewing clothes and patches his shoes by himself.

Al-Aswad bin Yazid also said, I asked Aisha about what is the Prophet pbuh do when he’s at the house? Aisha replied, "He made his family duty which is helping the work of his family. If the time for prayer is coming, he went out to pray. "[Bukhari Hadith]

Many husbands are not aware, that wife’s job at home is endless and always has a deadlines. Plus if there’s a children in the family, which means there are additional responsibilities. So, in addition to housework, the wife is also expected to be assisted in the management of children. Bathing, caring, entertaining, educating are among the tasks that can be done to ease the burden on the wife.

Malay proverb states, "heavy or light are carried together." That should be husband and wife. There is no gender division of labor within the home. The lesson are the work becomes lighter and can be completed sooner which will mean more time spent together. The greater wisdom and benefit are the love of the wife will be more fertile. Because in a wife’s point of view   husband's ability to help is one manifestation of love. Implicitly it described how the husband understands his wife, the burden and responsibility.

Fourth, ANGER CONTROL

One of the sign of wisdom is not to easily provoked, mainly anger. There are many things that wife do whether it’s on purpose or not potentially arouse anger of husband, made the husband sad or at least offend him. The changing attitude of the wife such as negligence, forgetful, laziness, anger, making up something, melancholy are the ordinary things, but sometimes is over the edge and makes a husband feel impatient.

Finding out and look for reasons why these things happen is a good way of restraint. Women are born as human beings, with feelings, nerves and hormones, just like men. They are not born with a manual or remote control program. They are often not aware that they had hurt their husband feeling and say the mistakes that her husband does not actually did.

Let us take a lesson from the story of Aisha ra and Safwan ibn al Mu'attal ra on their return from the expedition of Bani Mushtaliq conquest. How the Prophet pbuh behave and react to the news that up to slander him. Despite his heartache, the Prophet pbuh chose to stay calm and complained to his Lord, and asking for opinions or advice from trusted friends.

The accident occurred on a journey back from the Bani Musthaliq conquest expedition, 'Aisha accidentally separated from the group, seeking her lost necklace and then delivered home by Shafwan who also left the group because there is a necessity.
Then 'Aisha went up to his camel and escorted by Shafwan to the Prophet pbuh and his companions entourage, but Shafwan can’t chase up the group and eventually they arrived at Medina.

Slander occurs and initiated by the Jews and hypocrites. They said that ‘something’ has happened between Aisha and Shafwan.
The problem is getting more complicated because there was disunity among the Muslims. Those who believe the issue is right and those who does not. The Prophet pbuh also change his attitude towards Aisha, he told Aisha to immediately repent. While Aisha did not want to repent because she believes that she is innocent, she just cried and prayed to God to show what actually had happened. Then Allah revealed the verses that show the Muslims that the Prophet is the best person and the consequence is whoever became his wife must be a good person too, and that includes Aishah ra.
From this God revealed Quran Surat An-Nur: 26.

Slander that has happened to Aisha may consider to be a heavy case and a very bad dream to a wife. House that’s missed clean, a slow cooked dinner, a fussy child, unwashed clothes, and a thousand other disability is just a small case that can be discussed properly and politely. However, I believe that every wife who is a good and pious woman will not let such things happen in their own homes. If any, it must have been caused by the things that are not deliberate and cannot be avoided.

Is not Aisha also been asleep when drying the grain so that the grain was eaten by birds? And once she has given all the money she has to the poor and did not leave the slightest to simply buy a snack?

I have never read that Prophet pbuh mad on her because of it.
Recognizing and understanding wife’s character and personality will help husband in determining the attitude towards their wife. Because to have a good manner and an anger control, actually is very closely related to husnudzhon (presumption of innocence) and patience in getting the truth.

Fifth, COURTEOUS and CIVILIZED

Politeness to others it is very easy, especially if the person has a higher degree; more virtuous, more charitable, more generous, more experienced .... and possibly richer, higher position, greater influence and other possibilities. But, confronted with a wife is a different story.

With a title as Chairman of the Household, a husband is expected to be polite to the wife who is his partner, a person who do almost everything for him, his life and his children. Not only the wife of a highly educated and higher degree who earn the right to be treated with courtesy, actually all wife has the right to earn this courtesy, regardless of the stage of education, social background, family origin and her history in the past.

Include the use of polite language, how to get along and way of life. Saying 'please', 'thank you' is always used even for small things. Eating with civilized even only in front of his wife, wearing clothes that look pleasing to the eye, reprimand or even when mad using a low voice (not a high tone), asked for permission when dealing with goods belonging to his wife and many more things. We can summarize it as follows, actually the many examples we mention above are what we call 'Sunnah of the Prophet'. So 'Sunnah of the Prophet’ aren’t just the polygamy issue (but also including comprehensive example regarding relationship between husband and wife).*

*The author is an educator and mother of six children

Taken from hidayatullah.com, translated & edited by Aria.